my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
