just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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