She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you win again, gameday.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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