Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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