i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
