You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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