a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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