you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
