I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
