The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
