dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
