I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
