he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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