This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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