My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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