you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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