I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Every concussion has its silver lining
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
