the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude i'm inner monologue high
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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