I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
