I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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