How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
