the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Holy sore nipples Batman
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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