if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
