Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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