Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
