I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
