I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
