im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
