Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
