Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
