I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
