Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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