Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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