my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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