I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
