I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
