Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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