I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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