i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
