Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We left the knife in your bed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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