But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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