TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
