So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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