he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
