I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
