you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
