P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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