Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
