I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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