we're blogging at a bar
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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