i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm passing your future prison.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i've created a new STD.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
