think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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