I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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