Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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