i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
