Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
