well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
