I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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