I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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