i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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