Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need a beard to bite.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
