did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How external is "for external use only"?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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