Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
